I Nudged My Wife and 10-year-old Daughter into doing a Triathlon. They Didn’t Divorce Me (Yet).

[WoPX assignment 1]

Timing and curation. They matter so much - yet I often get them so wrong.  If proposed too soon: outright rejection.  If too difficult - scars and anger from first-time failure.  

I needed last week-end to succeed.  And this would also depend on luck: good weather, no accidents, and my wife and daughter waking up on the right side of bed.  Failure would mean a future of continued solo travel to an experience  that I’ve so much wanted to share with my family.

A triathlon is a unique carnival of adrenaline, stress and laughter spread across swim, bike and run segments, each of which are interrupted by transitions where people like me waste incredible amounts of time realizing they’ve forgotten to pack socks, or have no water, or have put their shirt on backwards.  Yes, it was these experiences of joy and silly mistakes that I was so eager to share. The cheering and support throughout the event, and particularly once you’ve crossed the (damn) finish line, feels so precious.  There’s not a single time I haven’t run over that line without feelings of tearful joy.  I really wanted them to love this, or at least understand my mini-addiction.

But roping someone into doing a triathlon can’t be forced.  Maybe you coerce a friend into it, but not a close friend, or a loved one. 

So how did I maneuver to get these novices to trust me (granted, with serious eye-rolls) and sign up for this?  

First, I sequenced it.  I worked to get my daughter on-board first, knowing that my wife would be very supportive.  I then only sprung it as a sudden “opportunity” to my wife at the last-minute.  So my daughter had about 7 months of lead-time and my wife had 3 weeks. Perfect.  Both, I ventured, were physically prepared and mentally able to face it.  I think this last point is important - you should really only nudge people to new limits if you know them well.

For my daughter, the priority was to help her build up her endurance with friends in each of the sports.  

For swimming, I introduced her to the daughter of a triathlete friend of mine who’s a strong swimmer.  They get along great.  She agreed to join this new friend’s swim team and has now been swimming with the team twice a week for almost a year, typically swimming about 3 kilometers each training session.  

For biking, during the year I organized about 10 leisurely rides with many of my daughter’s friends to ride along Taipei’s excellent riverside paths.  Those rides were typically between 20 and 40 kilometers long.  WIth friends in tow, these rides are fun and not strenuous, and leave the kids feeling great about being able to cover so much distance. 

For running, we signed up for a few family events, including an exhausting noon to sunset relay race.  These events were of short distances, between 3 and 5 kilometers, and the point was to make my daughter realize this is a distance she can actually run without a problem.

Lastly, I had the covid luxury of being able to organize a one-week bi-athlon bike-swim session with my daughter and 5 of her friends.  In the morning they went to sport camp (while I worked) and in the afternoon I had them ride 25 kilometers followed by rigorous swim training.  By the end of the week they were truly exhausted, but still in surprisingly good spirits thanks to the introduction of bubble-tea boosters.  Taipei is the global bubble-tea epicenter.  

Importantly, each of these training sessions was a longer distance than the triathlon my daughter would be doing: a junior event with a swim distance of 350 meters, a 5 kilometer bike ride and a 2 kilometer run.  When my daughter heard of the triathlon distances, she knew, perhaps with excess confidence, that this was something she could conquer.  

On race day she was all nerves and talking very little. Obvious second-thoughts about having agreed to this insanity.  I told her to only put on her swim cap and goggles right before the race, but she had them strapped on tightly about 20 minutes before the start, making it impossible for me to see her eyes.  

But interestingly, unlike me, who gets more nervous when I look around and see my competitors, Zahra told me seeing the hundreds of other kids actually relaxed her, because many of them were obviously even more freaked out than she was.  Interesting logic, very different to mine.

How did I get my wife to sign up?  She would never have signed up months in advance. I knew that if I proposed it she would think about it, speak with friends, and say ‘no way’.  But when a few weeks ago one of the members of my triathlon online chat group announced he was part of a relay group and suddenly his whole team could no longer make it, I knew this was the time to present this unique combination of ‘need for help’ and ‘opportunity’ to my wife.  Her event would comprise a 1.5 kilometer swim, a 40 kilometer bike ride and a 10 kilometer run.  I proposed she do the swim, which she could definitely do (afterall, she regularly swims longer distances in the pool), and that if I couldn’t find someone else to do the bike and run segments I’d do them myself.  She agreed to do the swim, and finding takers for the bike and run segments was easy - within two days she had a triathlon team.  Yikes.  People she needed to be accountable for, in something she’d never done before.  Excitement and jitters.

As race day approached, my wife started expressing regret and wonder about what-the-hell she had just signed up for. The swim distance in the lake looked frightfully long.  I told her to just enjoy the swim and look for the many fish in the lake.  I also told her - which turned out to be quite helpful - that feeling panic and even shortness of breath for the first two to three hundred meters was normal, and she should just concentrate on finding her own rhythm.  

Unfortunately, once the moment of her race came, I had to take care of the kids and didn’t even see her jump in the lake.  I have to admit, I was a little nervous she’d panic, or get kicked in the face by another swimmer.  I felt a little anxious not to be able to see how she was doing.

But when I saw her about an hour later she was ecstatic.  She recounted her initial panic and how - true enough - after a few hundred meters she relaxed and actually enjoyed the full race course. She told me my description of a lake teeming with beautiful fish was a tremendous exaggeration, as she only counted 17 fish comprising a measly 2 varieties.  But she loved the event, and she got along great with her teammates who had just the right balance of eagerness to do well and a desire to make as many jokes as possible of their situation.

I never asked my daughter or wife about their times, though I know they were keenly looking them up to compare with others.  Interestingly, they both volunteered their eagerness to have friends join us at the next event.  My daughter said her younger two sisters might be able to give it a go next year.

I was nervous about what I had signed them up for, but it turns out it was just the right amount of nudging - they both had a great time and are already talking about which friends they can lure into this weird carnival experience.

As for me, I’m really pleased to see my family enjoying an event with me.  It feels great to have this shared experience in the unique carnival that is a triathlon.